Coping with Suicide: 10 Helpful Tips When You’re Grieving

Losing a loved one to suicide is not only tragic, but also a very painful experience. It can be heartbreaking, but it can also be accompanied by a variety of emotions such as guilt, shame, and anger that you were unable to help the person before they decided to give up on life. These feelings can be emotionally devastating and can send you spiraling into thoughts about whether there was anything you could have done to prevent your loved one from committing suicide. Seeking support from people you trust is one of the healthy ways to begin healing your grief. On World Suicide Prevention Day, celebrated on September 10, learn how to cope with suicide loss.

What is suicide?

Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death, and is considered a global public health problem that deeply affects families and communities. More than 720,000 people die by suicide each year, according to the World Health Organisation. “People who die by suicide often experience extreme emotional pain, hopelessness and a sense that life has become unbearable,” says psychiatrist Dr. Rahul Rai Kakkar. It is not just a reaction to one thing or event, but is often the culmination of long-term emotional, psychological or social struggles.

Why do loved ones feel guilty after losing someone to suicide?

Guilt is one of the most common feelings people experience when they lose a loved one to suicide, according to the American Psychological Association. “Survivors of suicide loss often experience feelings of guilt, wondering if there was anything they could have done to prevent the tragedy,” says Dr. Kakkar. This guilt is often fueled by thoughts like, “I should have seen the signs,” “I should have been there more often,” or “I didn’t do enough to help.”

Survivors may feel responsible for not noticing or acting on warning signs. The sudden, often unexpected nature of suicide can leave family members and friends struggling with the idea that they could have intervened in some way. “Unfortunately, the truth is that while there may be warning signs, it is often an internal struggle that even those closest to the individual do not fully understand or prevent,” the expert says.

How do you cope with loss through suicide?

People who lose someone to suicide are at greater risk of developing depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicidal behavior, according to research published in the journal Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience magazine in 2012. So it’s important to choose healthy coping strategies after a loss by suicide. Here are some tips to begin healing after a loss by suicide:

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1. Allow yourself to grieve

“Grieving the loss of someone to suicide is different from other types of grief because of the guilt that can accompany it, along with shame and anger,” says Dr. Kakkar. Give yourself permission and time to feel a wide range of emotions. It’s essential to understand that your grief is valid, no matter how overwhelming it may seem.

2. Lean on your support system

Grieving in isolation can make it harder to cope, so friends and family are essential, especially at this time. Whether it’s someone who will listen to you or offer practical help, let them know what you need from them.

3. Seek professional help

Seeing a mental health expert and seeking therapy recommended by them can be helpful for those dealing with suicide loss. A mental health professional can help you navigate the complicated emotions, traumas, and unresolved questions that often arise after suicide.

4. Connect with others

You don’t have to be alone in your grief. Joining a support group for survivors of suicide loss can help you connect with others who have been through similar experiences. Sharing stories and emotions with others who understand your pain can provide comfort and a sense of connection.

5. Recognize the complexity of suicide

It’s important to recognize that suicide is complex and that there may not be a clear answer or reason for why it happened. “Understanding this can help alleviate some of the guilt and anger you may be feeling,” the expert says.

6. Think about the person, not the suicide

While suicide is tragic, it does not define your loved one’s entire life. Focus on remembering the positive moments with them and the person they were instead of letting their death overshadow their memory.

7. Practice self-compassion

Be kind to yourself during this difficult time. It is normal to feel a range of emotions, from anger to sadness to guilt after a suicide loss. Practice self-compassionand avoid self-blame, as you are not responsible for your loved one’s decision to commit suicide.

8. Create a memorial or tribute

Honoring your loved one through a memorial or tribute can provide a sense of closure and a way to celebrate their life. This can be something as simple as planting a tree, creating a photo album, or hosting an event in their memory.

9. Accept that healing takes time

“Healing from a suicide loss is a long process,” the expert says. It’s important to be patient with yourself and not expect to “move on” quickly. As you heal, you’ll feel less pain, but that doesn’t mean you’ll forget your loved one.

10. Participate in activities that promote healing

Get enough sleep and eat healthy meals regularly. Taking care of yourself can improve your mood and help you grow stronger after a suicide, according to the American Psychological Association. You can also try creative outlets, like painting or journaling, to process your emotions. “These creative activities can help release your pent-up feelings,” the expert says.

People who lose a loved one to suicide can feel a wide range of emotions. The road to healing after suicide loss is long, but it is possible with time, support, and self-compassion.