‘OK to Ask’ addresses difficult topics between parents

‘OK to ask’ opens the conversation about difficult topics between parents

As a parent, you may know that dealing with delicate situations is not always easy. For example, you may need to tell a close friend that his or her child may be bullying your child. Or you may have to ask if the birthday party is nut-free because your child has a severe nut allergy and trust that they will be fine eating the food.

According to the CDCIn the US, the number of unintentional gun deaths among children has increased. For children and adolescents aged 0 to 17 years, firearms are the leading method of injury. This means that these weapons are accessible and not stored and loaded in secure locks. Meredith Burns, Emily Onkey, Joey Wölffer and Laney Crowell know this. As concerned mothers of gun violence who started a chapter on Moms Demand Action, they realized through meetings and conversations that it was time to normalize having the conversation about safety and build trust with each other in a way that destigmatized the conversation. This is how the “Okay to askcampaign was founded. As parents, we recognize that we must be part of the change to prevent these preventable tragedies. Brava to these mothers for taking such an important initiative.

We recently spoke with these fierce moms to learn more about the campaign and its next steps.

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How did your “OK to Ask” campaign come about?

We are moms and friends who started a Moms Demand Action group in Sag Harbor last summer after seeing so much gun violence nationally with nothing changing.

We were so encouraged by the enthusiasm and support of other mothers who had similar fears. A lot of us didn’t know each other and didn’t know where people stood on guns because it has unfortunately become so politicized, but what we knew we had in common was that we had made this adventurous decision to live largely full-time in the East to live. give our children a life in this beautiful place all year round. That connected us all. We were motivated and felt a sense of obligation to create the most incredible community where there is a sense of raising our children together and feeling responsible for each other.

We met every month and it was an incredible experience to sit around a table with over 50 women, all from different backgrounds, who shared our extreme commitment to learning about gun violence prevention, policy and advocacy from various local leaders and community organizers. .

Okay to ask grew from our natural conversations after these meetings. When the fact that guns are the leading cause of death among school-aged children really dawned on us, we started to realize the impact we could have by sharing information about safe storage so that no child is in a home with an unsecured gun – we knew it was essential to launch this conversation in a big way, very simply: just make it okay to ask and talk about safe gun storage.

How can discussing difficult topics such as gun ownership increase trust between parents?

We all rely heavily on each other while living here to help with our kids and plan play dates to help with logistics and carpooling. It is part of our daily lives. Sometimes you know the people who care for your children very well, sometimes you don’t. We wanted to normalize having a conversation about safety and building trust with each other in a way that completely destigmatized the conversation.

We wanted to take away any ounce of shame or embarrassment that anyone might have and just educate people that unsecured guns are a real danger and that we need to talk about them the same way we talk about allergies and pets and gummies and everything else that we can. harmful.

How does that parent’s enjoyment influence the meaning of not asking difficult questions?

I think as parents we are learning more and more how much we need community, and especially as mothers, how much we need each other. And so, of course, there’s pressure not to be the one in your group who makes someone else feel uncomfortable or does something that leaves you out of a group that you really want to be a part of or that you really want to include. We started this campaign in a way to eliminate all that potential discomfort. We wanted to do the opposite and give parents a way to be a part of something by asking the potentially awkward question – showing that opening up the conversation can actually be such a relief and something to be so proud of. A mother’s ferocity in protecting her children is a strength to be admired!

What safety steps should parents ask about regarding gun storage?

The most simplistic is to ask and offer if you have any firearms in your home, and if you do, are they safe? It looks like this:

Hi! We are so excited that Bodhi is coming over for a playdate. Does he have allergies? Does he need armbands in the pool? If so, please send it along. We don’t have any firearms in the house. Let me know if there’s anything else I can answer!

OR

Hi! Thank you for having Lily after school today. She has a peanut allergy, so make sure snacks are nut-free (I sent her home with extras, but she’ll want what Charlotte eats, I’m sure). She is a great swimmer, but can be a bit shy around your dog. Do you have any firearms in your home and if so, can you let me know if they are safe? We also don’t let Lily look at tablets unsupervised!

OR

Hi! Hank can’t wait for Dylan to sleep over. I wanted to let you know that we have firearms in the house as my husband is a police officer. They are protected and our children don’t know they exist. I would like to have a chat and tell you more about it, so that you feel completely at ease. I’ll call you in a few!

The best source is the website: Be smart for kids. Their acronym SMART is all you need to know in an end result:

Secure All firearms in your home and car
Model Responsible Behavior
AAsk about the presence of unsecured firearms in other homes
Rrecognize the role of firearms in suicide
TTell your colleagues to be SMART

Why is honest communication with other parents important?

When we avoid the hard questions, we miss an opportunity to make authentic and honest connections, but most importantly in this case, if we can’t have an open conversation with someone about these or other things, it says a lot about the relationship and the The ball is yours to assess whether this is suitable for you. Because it’s never about making someone believe you’re right, or that they’re right, it’s about child safety. Period.

I think we’ve all found that having an open and honest conversation about this has opened the door to some wonderful, meaningful, and insightful questions that have created authentic friendships. We have a lot of women in the group who have guns in their home, and a lot of women who don’t. There are many women who are strongly against that, and many women who are not. But the great thing is that each of us has a roadmap on how to simply have the conversation without fear and without getting into a heated argument, because OK to Ask is so non-judgmental.

What are the “Okay to ask Next steps?

We will activate the campaign this fall and work with our district schools, boards, community organizations and pediatricians to get Be SMART into every home with a child and normalize the conversation around firearms safety.